My friends from high school all dormed together. Same building. Same floor. They text me pictures. Late night pizza. Movie nights. Study sessions in pajamas. They asked: “Why don't you live with us?”
I didn't know how to explain.
I need quiet. I'm not antisocial. I'm just someone who needs to be alone to recharge. I can't recharge in a room with three other people. I can't sleep when someone is whispering at 2 AM. I can't study when someone is watching TV. I need walls. I need a door. I need a space that's mine.
I need to cook. The dining hall is fine. But it's also expensive. I can't afford a meal plan and rent. I chose rent. Now I make rice and beans. Sometimes vegetables. I'm learning to feed myself. That's something.
I need to be on my own schedule. In the dorm, there was always someone awake. Someone studying. Someone eating. Someone talking. I couldn't sleep when I wanted. I couldn't study when I wanted. Now I can. I sleep at 10. I wake at 6. I study in the morning. I'm in class by 9. It's boring. It's working.
I'm not lonely. I thought I would be. I'm not. I have three housemates. We don't have movie nights. We don't study together. But we're here. In the kitchen, making coffee. In the backyard, not talking. We're living our own lives. Together.
My friends think I'm missing out. Maybe I am. But I'm also sleeping. I'm passing my classes. I'm not tired. That's worth more than pizza at midnight.
I chose a room with strangers. I chose a door that closes. I chose quiet. I don't regret it.
I didn't know how to explain.
I need quiet. I'm not antisocial. I'm just someone who needs to be alone to recharge. I can't recharge in a room with three other people. I can't sleep when someone is whispering at 2 AM. I can't study when someone is watching TV. I need walls. I need a door. I need a space that's mine.
I need to cook. The dining hall is fine. But it's also expensive. I can't afford a meal plan and rent. I chose rent. Now I make rice and beans. Sometimes vegetables. I'm learning to feed myself. That's something.
I need to be on my own schedule. In the dorm, there was always someone awake. Someone studying. Someone eating. Someone talking. I couldn't sleep when I wanted. I couldn't study when I wanted. Now I can. I sleep at 10. I wake at 6. I study in the morning. I'm in class by 9. It's boring. It's working.
I'm not lonely. I thought I would be. I'm not. I have three housemates. We don't have movie nights. We don't study together. But we're here. In the kitchen, making coffee. In the backyard, not talking. We're living our own lives. Together.
My friends think I'm missing out. Maybe I am. But I'm also sleeping. I'm passing my classes. I'm not tired. That's worth more than pizza at midnight.
I chose a room with strangers. I chose a door that closes. I chose quiet. I don't regret it.