My best friend is in a PhD program. She's been working on her dissertation for 2 years now. 2 YEARS. On one project. One topic. One question. I'm a junior and just thinking about it makes me want to cry. 
I visited her last weekend. She has a whole system. Color-coded notes. Index cards. A whiteboard covered in diagrams. She talks about her research like it's a person. "My data is being difficult." "My literature review is growing." It's consuming her entire life. And she's HAPPY. Genuinely happy. She loves this. She chose this. She wants to be a professor and spend her life in libraries and labs and lecture halls. I have no idea what I want. I change my major every other month. The thought of committing to ONE thing for YEARS feels like a trap. Like choosing a flavor of ice cream for the rest of your life before you've even tried most of them.
But also... I'm jealous. Of her certainty. Her focus. Her passion. She knows who she is and what she wants. I'm still figuring out what I want for dinner tonight.
Anyone else feel this way? Like everyone around you has a map and you're still drawing yours? How do you find your thing? How do you know when you've found it?
I visited her last weekend. She has a whole system. Color-coded notes. Index cards. A whiteboard covered in diagrams. She talks about her research like it's a person. "My data is being difficult." "My literature review is growing." It's consuming her entire life. And she's HAPPY. Genuinely happy. She loves this. She chose this. She wants to be a professor and spend her life in libraries and labs and lecture halls. I have no idea what I want. I change my major every other month. The thought of committing to ONE thing for YEARS feels like a trap. Like choosing a flavor of ice cream for the rest of your life before you've even tried most of them.
But also... I'm jealous. Of her certainty. Her focus. Her passion. She knows who she is and what she wants. I'm still figuring out what I want for dinner tonight.
Anyone else feel this way? Like everyone around you has a map and you're still drawing yours? How do you find your thing? How do you know when you've found it?
But here's what I'm realizing: it's okay to not know. College is supposed to be about figuring it out. The people who knew from day one? They're the exception, not the rule. Most of us are wandering. And that wandering is how we learn what we actually care about. You're not behind. You're just on a different path. Keep exploring.